blue dreams

the WMIB is about getting me paid...dance monkey dance

this dance is about paying my rent without degrading my soul
its been denigrated enough by any number of parties
parties who would poke the wounded tiger
you better finish me off if you decide to join the poke parade
ugby didnt kill this tiger
neither did the booze
a school full of haters made me stronger
they soon saw things my way
i thrive in crappy conditions
fungus like
i turn shit into gold
im not waiting for the gold markets to open up for me
im putting 20 pages of gold out as soon as i can put my hands on 600 bucks to print it up
ill handle distribution
ill handle marketing
just give me a product to sell
ill sell your booze for you and dance a little while i do it just because it seems natural to me
but not as natural as being the man in the yellow hat is
the man in the yellow hat who instructs the monkeys in their dance steps
im moving up the preschool food chain
its there for all you monkeys to absord
how do you think it becomes a cultural icon?
its the instuction manual of the overlords
they are the next step up from the man the yellow hat
they gave the man the yellow hat to represent the sun above who is the overlords particular diety
the overlords had a great time back in egypt with this form of worship
until the sun god was replaced by the still more powerful green god
the sun god tried to burn out the green
thats why the pyramids are in the desert
but this is all next level shit
next level shildrens books
explaining the childrens best seller list to you in terms of subjugating factors
like in the little engine that could
thats what hit me
thats what i use
and thats why this is the worlds most important blog (TWIB)
TWIBBER
he twibbered me
means to reveal
written by the worlds least important blob
i dont give a rats ass about me
im a vehicle for bacteria
they really run the shit, with the greenies
all of our vaunted organs are just masses of cells
my brains cells are just a bunch of dudes that want to chill out
single cells with a purpose
we are sure what turns them on and off as in a stem cell which can be anythng it wants to be
i am a human stem cell
i can do it

but they are
which is why im not running the world
i could if i had to
check my dna
i know im related to some trippy motherfuckers
they take over this keyboard and spew shit
they are the ones the computer people should worry about
which is a catch phrase that the computer people search for in their algorythms
i just stepped into their trap
but maybe they are stepping into mayan

liver cells i am going to need your help soon
process you bacterial brothers who fermented these hops and grains
who gave their life to use so that we may buzz this evening
the buzz which is really the brians going boozy wake
see ya later
the brains aztec leaders sacrificing some more virginal goddess cells
with every sip of beer a few more goddesses meet the sharp steely knives
a tribute to the far away bothers who turned this beer into the sacramental liquid that it is
sacred beer
the church of the sacred intoxicant
CSI SOUTHPHILLY
Diunnn doiunnn
today we are enjoying some pbr some blue dream and a small amount of hash
now a word from our sponsor
the church of the sacred intoxicant
not quite toxic
but fun to dance with death again
sorry officer I was poisioned!
you dont have to tell him you poisosned yourself
osshhiferrr i wash poishonned
order your csi south philly shirts from THIS LINK FOR SALE
thankyou for buying this idea rag, this month or rambling bullshit about possibility
this 20 pages of slightly steamed words
words that retain their cripness with a touch of proofreading and a dash of visionary editing
it is with great pride that i bring you the inaugural edition of BLUE DREAMS
well maybe thats this chapter....
i also like the name ARTIFACT because im producing low grade testaments to the collection of cells in my brain that form my brain, new ones added all the time
you can be one of my brains cells for the low low price of 50 dollars a year which entitles you to the first look at the shit that i recently starteed thinking to do with what you will
it will get you the famous bi weekly rambling email that the rugby team still sometimes gets
it will get you a years woth of artifacts,
this is the nuts and bolts of the artifact experience
this is the money back warranty
this is the legal page
my brain knows what you need in a magazine
a mission statement
a page of legalese shit
some ads
a table of contents
said content
the cash to print the shit
the will to sell it
you want to see my balls world
heres the kinda balls i have
thanks for purchasing my product

my self help book is going to be called
my asshole boss is my reflection
following your dreams for lazy people

take as many shit jobs as you can stand
learn how people operate in the world when they want money
imitate their actions until your soul starts to scream
ignore the screams for a while because the money or benefits are good
the half year you spend in hell is worth the weekends you arent in it
the ones who fuck with you, people you dont destroy because you are working,
the parties you miss for one reason or another
i miss just as many parties now that im broke parties i cant get to because im flat broke
id rather be to broke to go thatn have to be somewhere else
i can go out broke
goin out on no budget
the womans guide to drinking for free everywhere
beerslut.com
this is just 2 of the businesses you can be a part of creating by supporting the artist you see in front of you
on the street
offerings in his had
ill write a page for new standup comics to use in their acs
a series of funny vigettes and ill demonstate the techi=nique
the harry method of comedy
harry inc
modern comedians.com
we share our killer material with you
secrets of great comedians could be my book title
whats you secret steve?
are you related to someone?
your secret was to play the banjo
so i need to steal your act
secrets of great comedians..1.get a banjo...
2.call yourself a jerk...
3.be wild and crazy...
4.be related to someone rich

my richest relative, my friend in show biz, my mentor,

im my own mentor...how i succeeded in turning shit into cash the harry baker story

the world wants me broke so i can think of ways to save it as i try to save my ass from menial labor
to save my ass from the horror of mediocrity
time to ebrace/create some tangible greatness
which is what you have in your hand
my latest resume
how a genius spends his day words to the young on future happiness bakeowski

that was easy... 1.

time for me to start selling my words to strangers, alot of strangers cause my prices are so low they are insane....literally....or was that insane prices that are supposed to be low....i forget which....ill play crazy for money for one year starting now with tonight top secret poker game....it costs 40 to get in and theres food and beer....rebuys are available and its always an intersting crew at the table....theres the young cop from the neighborhood...the bookie on and off the phone...the side of beef who owns the bar....the pizza guy...the construction worker the electrician the firemen...they are all getting alot better at poker since i started out there...the games getting tougher and tougher..
but i am still the poker king of the block,
top of the heap,
haaaay number one...
these country boy blues
are sure here to staaaaayyyy
i cant stand this fucking place
filthy philllllyyyyyy

i want to wake up in a city
that doesnt smell like feet

sung to the tune

sing it in philly and then tell horible jokes about sinatra being a homosexual
a raving queen he and sammy in a gay love triangle with rock hudson none of them knowing that this was where aids was invented in the sanatoum of hudsons butt cheeks on an especially promiscuous weekend.....
who wants to write this movie with me?

sign up up in the comments section and we will brainstorm soon
tonight i have to go play cars for money
i treat the game as a job
just like i treated rugby when i played that
just like when i was at the top of my teach game which i was when i started in 1993 coming right out of the box, rookie of the year shit doing wonders with the numbers of the writing scores. It was a period in my life when i got results because my team was strong and supportive
i need a support team around me
with a little support i can do alot of interesting things
of course the 12 years i spent in college were pretty fun too as was the dc restaurant scene each issue is content heavy in one domain....start one magazine every three months.......get it out....get paid for it do it again next month.....
in 90 days a magazine can be written edited formatted......
but i gotta stop giving it away for free on here dont i?
i need to make some artifacts so people can leave them lying around
thats why at the bottom of one page it will say im robbing this bank and if someone leaves it in a bank that would be wrong or would it be funny?
so this i guess is the first page of the valentines day issue dedicated to love, ive asked some of my talented friends to submit a piece on love
then at the release party for the issue we are having a show so i gotta start setting a date in advance and securing the place which ive done before havent i
ok time to start planning.....



t

I was in the mood for some songbirds recently so I headed over to The Fire to catch what looked to be a nice gathering of them.
Opening up was Laura C. She was everything you want in a singer/songwriter, rich voice, soulful lyric of loves lost and was just getting good when her set ended. That's the thing with four band shows on Wednesday nights, it's a wham bam type of affair, but this woman is definitely worth a listen again and i'lll try to catch her whole songbook one of these days. Her website is http://www.myspace.com/lauracinrecovery.
Sometimes a little is all you really need. Sami the great was the next act up and she had a really nice voice and a very full schedule. I think life needs to kick her around a little more and after a few years of that maybe she should pick up a pen again. Live a little, try some pain, get back to us. Great voice though. Kind of classless to be at the back of the room having your loud converation with your guitar pal from New York and mini entourage during the sound check and then ducking out the second the music starts. Goes to show that women aren't naturally more supportive or maybe it was a weird diva-esque civil rights gesture? Weird.
Up next was Attia Taylor. If you like Xylophnes and accordian music then the this is the band for you. She has a unique delivery that perfectly accents these quirky instruments. At best her songwriting successfully captures a nice party energy on a song or two, but I think that after the novelty wears off you are left with a special kind of headache that only can be arranged via xylophone. It's the perfect storm of quirky up there and what happens, unfortunately, is that all the quirks seem to cancel each other out. I appreciate the efforts at novelty but a little of this goes a long way. Her and her band are like ninjas, in and out, no messing around, maybe they had another gig somewhere, good for them. Oh, theme night, I get it now...See what I'm talking about at http://www.myspace.com/attiataylor
Last up is a two person combo, Little x Little who saved the evening with several clever turns of phrase and a very interesting stage presence. It's possible that these are the two shyest people in the world or maybe it's just an act, I can't tell, but it doesn't matter anyway, stick with it, it worked. There was some uneveness to their performance, but it is to be exppected as they just started in August. When they nail a song they nail it. There were a couple of real lyrical gems up there and their blog is actually worth reading. http://little-x-little.com/blog/
Who knows what will get me out of the hovel next, but when I get out I will share my experiences with you here at THE WORLDS MOST IMPORTANT BLOG, I couldn't say it if it wasn't true~!