its serious time here at the worlds most important blog.
Im so "about business" that I will share with you, the gentle reader, the last cover letter I will ever need to write. I'm sure to find a job offer in my email box withing minutes, and my whole life will change.
There's an entertainment company that needs my services. I'm pretty sure from the vague way they described themselves that it is some sort of scam. especially the part about me having my own office. maybe its porn related, who knows? If it is the scammy kind of shit show i imagine it to be then I think ill take the job for purely comic reasons.

see now, THERES A REASON TO WORK, for the comedy of it.

im not motivated much by money, but humor is a motivator fo sho... so heres how my new relationship with work will start
i answered the criagslist ad with this sure fire winner of a cover letter. im probably going to be put in charge of this place rather quickly....

Hey-
I can sell anything. Your ad was just vague enough to spark my imagination. If you decide to hire me you are gettin an idea man. You are gettng an aging rock star, you are getting what used to be the main attraction who is now aging very well and still remarkably spry for someone that played rugby for over 20 years.
I was also a school teacher in the inner city and i was a bad ass at that job. Concurrent with the rugby, but prior to teaching I was a hot shot TGIF bartender who always had the whole bar cracking up because when the spotlight finds me I offer fine comedic value playing to the exact and specific funny bones of whomever my audience might be that evening.
I have been around the block long enough to be able to make a conection with just about any random stranger off the street which should prove a great asset for the many closings I will be doing in my very own office. Be warned that I will probably have sensational ideas about future events and maybe even enough talent to propose new and diferent ventures which your entertainment company can additionally profit from.
Enough about me. Why do I want to work for you? Who are you and what do you do? Try and get me excited about working for you and if you are successful your only problem after hiring me will be how to spend the enormus piles of revenue a true performance minded barabarian like myself can generate.
Thanks and have a nice day, I always do!

Resume and references upon request.

going to start pecking away at a new project on the side
when april 15th comes about i hope to have a little newspaper together
some resume type shit
you want a writer, heres what i do
sometimes with PUNKtuation
usually not
I AINT NO PUNK BITCH
rules of writing are not my bosses
clarity of thought is
i think more clearly when i just let the shit flow
if you see punctuation im probably editing
editing is work
work is for suckers
do you get me yet?

i do enjoy a comma or two tho
here and there

i was recently quizzed about my motivations by my lover
i was stuck
i have no idea why i act the way i do
i just follow the path of least resistance i guess
is that some kind of particle?
the least charged particle there
the whatever particle

she asks.....barely pausing between qustions

what makes me so angry all the time?
why do you feel that way?
i answer
questions about my feelings make me angry
they make me angry because i dont know why im so angry but i know that constant questioning about my motives makes me a litttle angrier every time

then shes probing into my feelings about my family
im prety sure everyone has them
but im not into therapy
ive never been in anaylsis
im evasive and i can see
"the waterboard" look in her
eyes
shes getting ready to blow
and another argument ends
me successfully lobbing in a grenade or two and then stonewalling
her trying to even the score and then pulling out historical references of the evils in harrys past
hey, gues what?
if your style of fighting is to dredge up the past
the less you know about mine, the less ammuntion you will have and the less damage you can do when you decide its time to hit me in the privates again
i dont care if you and your brothers fought loud and dirty
im not them
im embarrassed by loud and dirty
i think its a clumsy way to fight
my mom and dad fought that way over the last of the bottle of wine

i like logical arguments
formalized debate team stuff

i will futher show your behavior can quantifiably be characterized as inentionally
cunty with clouds of ignorant protestations


ill try this half planned writing madness

drops of blood on the sidewalk tell me im getting close to home
they spatter southwards
a droplet, ten paces,a medium droplet, twelve more, solar system, repeat
someone from my hood got socked in the jaw
i follow the trail for 7 or 8 blocks and i wonder
did my brother finally say what hes been thinking?
did he share with fellow bus passengers his unique world view?
did the patented crazy smile technique backfire?
..........a flash of true crazy.............
the technique, that instead of backing someone up,
enabled their own insanity?
a combustible cocktail of craziness that ignited on the 57?
we need bus bouncers
people to uphold civility
like sky marshalls
not on every bus
just enough that people get kicked of the bus for being aholes
especially when the schools let out
someone call obama
make the jerks walk off their adolescent energy