game at the irish club and free
beer
its the last week of a ten week series of tournaments
im dying to
play cards
70 dollar buy in,10 buck bounty, rebuys
just playing for the
first place one table tourney
its calling station city, REBUY
there are
one or two callers to every all in
usually one of the two monsterschtakkens
is in there versus whoever is making their stand
fours are aces here
kj is
the new ak
im not sure what you are supposed to do in this type of thing
except GAMBOOOOL
but i have too many good habits
theres no use setting up
moves tonight because of the four strategic tournament players here
-one has
second locked up so he went wild and doubled up a luckbox fifteen minutes into
the game
-the guy with first locked up has tripled up because he has nothing
to lose
-and the other thinker is trying to limp into third by outlasting the
guy they call unk
unk only plays aces and is trying to lock up third
also
the other two stacks were one of the maniac dealers who playes
everything and the guy from the circus with the amazingly roomy compact car full
of friends in colorful clothing whose clumsiness in their work environment
causes almost the same level of hilarity as their cardplay does
i bang the
flop and he calls my all in with king seven protecting his top pair crushing my
kj with a seven on the turn, nice ha-ha-hannd, maaaannn
hard to figure
out this kinda game which is why i only do it when the gamnbling itch is
unbearable
but to protect my prickley win at all costs personality i have now
devised a new weapon
clown-porn stuttering
ill say "nice ha ha hannnd
mannn"
every time i get sucked out on by some clown
that should save me
valuable mental confidence and secretly degrade the luckbox suckout jerkoff
without him knowing that im doing it and perhaps they will also feel sorry for
my bogus stuttering affliction and if this means i have to stutter a little here
and there in order to set it up so i can GET MY CHARLIE ON and be WINNING then
this is what i shall do
the cash game was juicy tho
the bookie who
runs the game and rakes 10% of the first 150 loves to straddle five or make it
twenty to go on every hand to keep the pots juicy
(its just good business
practice)
we play 2 3 or four card
three being pineapple
four being
omaha
i kinda love the kamikaze nature of omaha
i used to put 25 on the
.25 cent tables at stars
then move on up to 1-2 if the gods were
smiling
the gods smiled enuf thymes for me to get a coupla checks with commas
from the nice people that sponsor negranu
anyhoo-
omaha is math and i get
math so i was mostly folding any but the juciest 2 and three card games, playing
suited aces and pairs in pineapple and sandbagging these gambling fools until
they had to pop the turn after everyone checked the flop
this seemed like
cash game heaven to me
i got it in with the second best boat against a guy
who folded a flopped set in texas hold em to the 2 biggest action junkies at the
table who raised and reraised his bet on the flop
i knew i was donating
because how can you read this kinda person?
i knew the poker gods were again
jiggling with my funsac
so i rebuilt his stack and was only up 50 or so from
my original 150 when the straddle and the automatic raise to 20 with six callers
ahead of me and holding double suited face cards with all kindsa straights if
the flop was right i call
flop is two in my suit and a nut straight redraw so
i check and it goes 50- pot- call and i repot for the rest of my stack hoping to
see the ace or king of my suit and its four of us all in and the loverly diamond
hits and im raking it in over the obvious straights and the guy with 2 pair and
dreams
i rake in 520 as one of the guys was short and lifes good, now i can
gamble a little and soon im sitting on 800 and my ride has to go
its a 40
dollar cab ride but i think id rather leave the variance to them and apologize
as they count out my cash
my ride cashed out for 600 and this was only 2.5
hours into the game but after midnite and claiming i care about my job seemed
plausible to them
6 oclock comes early but who cares
so evenish bankroll
wise since the start of this
ready to play a tourney a week all summer
long
just to see if i can figure these poker player people
out
part 5
hurdle-donkaments
solution- clown porn stuttering or skip for
juicy cash games
i had this circled on my
calender
pot limit omaha 8 at the borgata on a saturday 15k gteed
230$
what a nitty game 08 is
what better place to get back in the groove
and maybe cash for a change
all i have to do is channel my inner fred sanford
and wait for the surf clams to fork over their chip stax
15,000 to start
blinds at 25-50
30 minit blinds
this could take awhile.....
i listen to
the chubby john popperish dude in the grateful dead shirt talking to the brassy
blond about are ya going to vegas? and howd ya finnish ya wanna do a last
longer? and
im nauseous
but im not gonna people tilt anymore
they are
nice enough to come down here and give me their hard earned surf clams if i am
patient enough and nitty enough to make that happen
i remember hating this
game
the folding of it
but love and hate are a fine line and i start
remembering some of my favorite hands to play against tables full of nitty
nittersons and when we get to the thirty mins before the second break i break
out my bluff game
these folks had been folding for almost 5 hours straight at
this point
aggression was the recipe for success
it also helped when i got
AA23 double sooted and potted pre and post flop and was reraised and wound up
splitting the pot but was a great advertisement for me to take 3/4 of the guy
from baltimores chips
he was here for the race
he had his baltimore shirt
on
he had his program to bet the race better
he may as well have painted a
target on himself 2 seats behind me
the perfect position for my check, pot -
repotting strategy
i froze like a really cold metaphor
hat pulled down to
my brow
i kinda put him on the flush draw which didnt make it
there was no
low
the board had 8,j,2,10 river q or something gross like that
i may have
been ahead with trips, but they werent top trips or anything
it sure felt
like i was bluffing
i thought he also may have been foolishly pursuing the
low
so it was bombs away statue act and it worked so well once, why not try
it again on the last hand of the round with air?
so i was sitting pretty and
chatting up the lovely spanish dealer
an hour ago i hit her with a perfect
flirt storm along the lines of shes not picking up when im flirting with her,
maybe im too subtle and the john poopper dude immediately jumped in with some
third grade stuff to teach me how to do it
but i caught her peeking at me at
the first break so i told her what i thought about her in my country boy in the
city about to be eaten up by the bad gamblers bull**** and she was eating it up
with a spoon
then she was back at my table and started sneezing
eyes
itching
the cat likes to sleep on my laundry and another potential future mrs
"thepro" drifted gently down the stream
o well
so im above average and
rolling along like someone had put some molly in my coffee
im wearing my nova
scotia had and trying to say "oot" alot and "AYE"
candinadian tourist on
vacation was my cover story
i like to role play with my wardrobe in
tournaments
it seemed that someone was stealing my idea
his role was that
of a gallic frenchman
the kind that ran the hotels in paris during
wwII
monsuier collaborator was just evil incarnate
i kept calling his pot
raises while saying, he seems like a pretty nice guy, ill see another card with
ya buddy
guffaws ensued, perhaps a chortle or two
i overheard one of the
nittersons say "just get me away from that nova scotia dude hes hitting
everything" when the table broke
its true that when my stack expands i play
up to 75 percent of the hands dealt in omaha
but thats not the way to play to
win
i forgot to switch gears and as the antes went up i made it to 3 tables
left before making a couple of basic mistakes
after the 4th break it lookeded
like i was gonna have to double or go home
i flopped two pair checked and
reraised all in to a guy who was sure a club was going to come
it did, and
efficiently but not so dramatically on the turn
he faded my four outs and i
was heading home
my luck wasnt totally bad because i let some ignorant person
push by me onto the last seat on the jitny which would up hitting two people as
it left the parking lot
dude landed on his suitcase hit his head got up
WHATTHEFAWKYOODUNE*******?
i had a few beers on the bus and watched the waves
for a while as someone strangled a cat at the beach bar to the tune of current
popular fist pumping anthems
hurdle- remember that you can SLOW down too,
even if it is less fun
headed to chester to try my
luck
100 w/ rebuys 2 seats in their 512 satty at stake into big event 20 buck
bounties
20 min blinds
i try to channel that guy little
i bought his
professional poker secrets books
he says sooted connecters are what the cool
kids are doing
maybe this is my chance
maybe this time my bike wont wind
up at the bottom of the pool
i played 34d and it flopped open ended A56
rainbow i check
theres a 600 chip bet antes were 200 i say "what the hey" and
so does one other hearty adventurer
flop is a seven and im fta i check he
checks original raiser throws in 2k and im all in
other caller
calls
callers gonna call
the original raiser hems and haws and it looks
like hes trying to do math
he calls with A-8 for the 14% shot
he may have
thought he had a 16%er but i had one of his outs
other dude calls all his
chips in the third level with 2 pair
ok
variance blows me out of the water
but i had won 100 in the 20 mins b4 the tourney on a cash game so i figured why
not rebuy, they are clearly bad poker players and the rest of the tournament is
the same sad old refrain
i forgot i dont tilt at specific people
and i
forgot not to target douche-nozzles
but more importantly i came to the
realization that periods are a waste of time
thats one extra key stroke that
will eventually fry your comp out fster
i need ths 2 lst a lng lng tme so in
anothr move 2wards eficiency n brvity il liminate d uneedd lettrs in commn
wrds
wht a rvelation!
ths chngs evrytng
thnk u fr bean wht u r bbv
u
oftn make me chortle and guffaw
srry 2 n e adlts who r njoying ths xerciz
m really tryn 2 b a dood who plys a few trnamnts well and then just chills
im good at chlln
im a less than model mplyee
one boss told me it looks
like you do just enough to get by
i took it as praise for my efficiency
it
apparently was not
apparently im supposed to be running some sort of boss
centered charity work where i do things without compensation to show them that
they can freely take advantage of my good humor as if i were the fat chick with
the great personality who everyone loves to hang out with and fool around with
but no one asks to the prom or even on a date for that matter
what fantasy
world do bosses live in?
my current boss was ragging at me about leaving
early for my second job which he agreed made sense do to the heavy compensation
at this second gig
then cries every thyme
thats why i created my new BOSS
MANAGEMENT SYSTEM
in it you can turn the tables on your bass and be the
boss
its simply a matter of dedicated whining, secret sabotage, bawdy wit, 2
am emails to their superiors, and a thorough knowledge of what the employee
handbooks says, federal work guidelines and a sense of drama as to when to apply
this knowledge to your advantage.
the secret is to have witnesses
so when
you loudly ask the boss did you really just ask me if i ran like a girl in front
of witnesses? do you realize that with my long hair i can claim sexual
harrassment?
are you really that stupid? and then yelling at his boss, ya,
your bozo manager is micro managing the only non-union man on the job whop makes
1/3 of what they do, whered he go to business school wharton?
that was a fun
day
ahhhhhhhh
fun at work
brag- turned a straight like in the
j.little book
beat- 14% all in caller with A-rag got there
variance- im a
winner in the workplace
part 6
