someone asked me for a poem and i complied


mid-afternoon
sweetness on the lips
gorgeous chocolate hotties
who seem interested in my story
i admire thier boxes
2 genrations of foxes
3 of us smiling at 3 in the afternoon

for some reason my flirtation is returned
i ignore the warning claxons and speak from my heart
about the ones that got away

a fantastically delicious treat melts on my toungue
the words true love

speaking of love in the chocolate shoppe
im oh so interested in their fine boxes
my buttons pushed
i become an entertainment machine
still adrift, post hurricane on lonely seas
i hear their sirens call
i paddle a little closer to hear the tune
dancing on and with the sea

i have no problem entertaining hotties
i have no problems at all
my life is simple because it's easier that way
not the ease of luxury
the ease of peaceful. harmonious life choices
which i am unafraid to make

there is a harmony in this soon to be closed sweetshop
harmony, dancing eyes, my bouts of shyness, smiles for days
happy is something i do everyday
this borders upon the ecstatic
so many things i could put into their lovely boxes

does talking and reasoning with an insane person put you into danger of going insane yourself?
or is this a vital survival strategy for living in this troubled age of ours?
should i gibber back at the crazy monkey on the bus?
or sit silently and endure the slings and arrows of outrageous ravings?
i can clearly see where these rants begin.
Im a product of this society too, ive ridden alot of the same rides and been exposed to the same interpretations of seminal events in our shared history. I'm sure that the planes that hit the towers were carrying some kind of magical jet fuel that burned a thousand degrees hotter than normal jet fuel, hot enough to melt steel as videos show molten steel flowing just before the collapse.
some of this magic fuel probably spattered onto building seven which accounts for its collapse as well, which didnt look anything like a controlled demolition or insurance fraud.
my bullshit detectors work
but i can see where a batshit crazy person might get their ideas
and i can probably steer the batshit crazy person a little farther into madness if i want to
thats the question that faces all creative people
do you use your powers of creation to make a positive change in the world?
or do you work for the forces of greed, chaos, and evil?
destruction is natural. death is life. we need a little more fear of death in this country. so if i push a psycho a little closer to his final psychotic break from reality, who is really hurt? we can all see that this isnt going to end neatly. why wait for the final shoe to drop from the millipede that lives upstairs. its getting late in the evening. that fucker has already dropped 998 shoes. what would be wrong with helping the last couple drop?
call me your local cut rate kevorkian
if i hear anyone with clearly suicidal ideation
the kind of person that is doing one of these passive aggressive "cries for help"
you know the type, the ones begggin for an intervention
wheres the turkey, i thought it was thanksgiving?
...nope its an intervention
heres your dinner jacket
let me help you tie those sleeves in the back
there you go
so in pahse one of this program i guess the logical step is too start at home and keep a fully stocked liqour cabinet at my apartment
that way if i take in any refugees from the street they can be sure that they can find a nice warm alcoholic coma anytime they want too
yeah
the power of creation
is also the power of destruction
im just helping nature take its course
a little push at the top of the stairs
it will sure look like an accident
thats the key
o my that's terrible
well. we could all see it coming tho
he was in a lot of pain
what a tragic sad case
what a terrible loss
those demons of his sure were hard to drown
now the voices in his head are truly quiet and he can get a much needed rest
he once was a good looking man...
he sure was
remember before he lost his mind?
im tired of living in the past
im a future oriented type of person.....
helping mother nature take her course since 1963

this is clearly a WORK OF FICTION, not the planning phase of any sort of -cide related word, thankyou, the author

I've been updating the ten links ^^^above^^^ and writing on paper.

If theres one thing that im sure of
its that the ufos disabled the nukes in the 50's
they still have a vested interest in this genetic experiment that we call life
they aint pulling the plug yet
we are so close to producing exactly what they are looking for
a race of savage, uncurious engines of destruction
locusts
to be dropped behimd enemy lines to ravish thier paradises
join the intergalactic republican army
drive your humvee thru the galaxy
and then there are a few weirdo freaks who just might attain enlightenment
so we are a mixed bag
and one way or another are going to pay dividends
before they discard this petri dish we call earth

Job Excellence, yet again

This is why i never actively chase work

it finds me

and at worst
im helpful
usually im helping write the guide for employee excellence
which is now the title of my latest book
well, one of them anyway

frequent readers will understand that i have about eight projects im working on with different people

anyone of which could soon overwhelm my free time

so it's important for me to maximize my freetime
that way i can jump right in the pool when called upon to do so
instead of asking alot of questions about the water
standing on the sidelines, inactive
jump right in
see what happens
im a man of action
so when the manayunk arts festival needed a bunch of security guards
my name was on the email list
and i was soon donning a florecsent orange vest
and issued a flashlight

heres a tip to bar owners
when its an first round womens soccer qualifying game
and you have people chanting USA USA
there may be some alcohol being abused on your premises
i KNOW it was a slow night
i KNOW they probably said "it's ok we are in the navy"
you may have even been impressed by their drunken respect for authority
it was an act
you bought it
you thought they would calm down....

lets look at who exactly chants USA anyways
its not hipsters, unless as an archly sarcastic visual joke
the kind of performance that loses energy quickly
as they are way too coool for school

how bout wrestling fans who loved to watch hacksaw jim dugan when he would Rassle the iron sheik or abdullah the butcher
Hulk Hogan picked up on this crowd pleaser and became an american icon
add to the list the fans of nascar and drunken football fans

who else?
a comprehensive list would take a few years
if anyone wants to send me some grant money to study these phenomenon and secretly enter the subculture, im listening
a grand a month stipend with recoverable expenses to be haggled over up to 500 dollars
hell if you act within the next few days ill go two months for you
the season is starting up i wont even mention my thoughts about mike vick to keep in character
BUT YOU BETTER ACT NOW

anyway
the chant is associated in the minds of the majority
that this type of nationalistic chant is a prelude to violence
or soon to accompany violence

im sure the calvalry was chanting "USA USA" as they rode into the Native American villages buriung and killing the old, the very young, the sick and slow of foot
women were raped before they were murdered to the same chant

when the same ones chanting now add "EFF U MEHICO" to the list of chants
and they try to enlist the public in chanting it as they walk by
because they smoke and are outlaws banned from proper establishments
banished to the sidewalks
these outlaws are a problem
so when they left the bar
i followed at a discreet distance
easily tracking their noise from behind the row of artist tents full of merchandise that were what they were paying me to watch
i was once again a tool of the man
at least til dawn
the manayunk arts festival has row of tents in the gutter on both sides of the street
i messed up when i left my book in the truck
easy money
just let them see that there's someone watching them
like a hall monitor in a middle school before the thanksgiving break

the patriots were pushing each other around on a handtruck they took from beside a tent and sill chanting
then there was a crash
i started running

i caught up to them but wasnt sure of who to chase
they knew i didnt see anything i was telling that there antics just got them in trouble
yeah we were just hootin n hollerin
for 2 hours, sure thats fine
we do that all of the time here in metropolis and superman doesnt say a word
he joins right in with us sometimes

then a witness is telling me that the guy in the blue shirt ran into a tent with his arms wide
mayhem in his manner
and he would help press charges because of how fucked up it was that he did that

i said this guy in the blue shirt and as i walked towards him his friends told him to run
he was barefoot so even at 280 i was easily pacing him for a block or so until he noticed me back there and accelerated
i saw fellow security guys at the end of the block and yelled blue shirt there blue shirt
they grabbed him easy and were holding him facing the wall as someone called the comps and our supervisor
his friends jogged over and satrted some street side lawyering
you didnt see nothing
what did he do
and hes telling us about being in the navy and being sorry and then they realize that someone called the cops and start telling the guy to run again so he does
this time i pace him from the other side of the tents and wait for him to come my way
turn the corner and boom
rugby high light film
but he tripped
and another security guard put a knee in his back to hold him as i huffed and puffed
and then a fourth security guy stomps him in the head
great
a broad in law school saw it and starts squawking
and suddenlu im the lead attorney ofor hitler in the bizarro universe
where his poison didnt work, it was a roofie, and he was easily captured
im trying to stop a riot before it starts
the law schoool broad is trying to do the opposite
and the corner is filling with drunken idiots with cell phones capturing the moment for posterity
NOW ON YOU TUBE
CLICK HERE

Mr Prosecutor, are you aware that the defendant, mr hitler had a series of terrible breakups with jewish women when he was in his teens?
that he once ALMOST put a little jew cap on his head?
that he sat shiva when her father died?

as i was trying to chill out the lawyer to be i also had to keep the witness around to talk to the cops and direct the search for the vandalized tent that sounded like a drum set being dropped down the stairs
a sustained tinny crashing with thuds and bumps

so im pretty sure i was the best security guard ever
now i can cross that off the list of
"things i wondered if i would do well but would
probably hate to do for more than 20 hours a week"
(even at a high rate of pay)
now with funny links
(links coming soon)

EMPLOYEE ACHIEVEMENT GUIDE, (Excellence Required) or E.A.G.E.R.
this is under the security guard excellence sub head
between nutritional components but after recommended literature

email to the rugbyteam concerning meat raffle tickets

im having an existential crisis about selling these raffle tickets for you guys
im a vegan now
and they seem to be lost

mine are definitely somewhere in my apartment
when i find them ill sell them

even if if its after the raffle
if its after the raffle they beome pure profit

but they will be lots harder to sell
but i will still sell them

on ebay
as valuable collectors items
im brokering a deal with ebay now......
this is assuming i am right about a few things

one the one thing being my fame being right around the corner
ahhh
il always remember you guys fondly....
theres always a beer around here somewhere....
if you need a party locust please invite me out sometime
i guaruntee that i will ravish all applicabe crops

the other thinf im right about is that meatwads brother shoud probably not roll up his seves
it aint intimidating
it was fun working security with him
he was better prepared for a 12 hour shift than i was
i brought energybars
he brought cigars
i brought energy bars
he brought a pint of burbon
i left my dope in the car
he left his credit card on the bar

i might be getting old
he reminds me aot of the type of rugby athlete i played with in college
when we'd break out the case of forties for man of the match
and there may have been some crystal involved at some point in the weekend

my point is rugby is changing
enjoy it while you can still run fast
slow rugby is bad rugby

ill sell those tickets al
but it may not be this week
keep up the humorous emails
peace



“One should respect public opinion insofar as is necessary to avoid starvation and keep out of prison, but anything that goes beyond this is voluntary submission to an unnecessary tyranny.” -Bertrand Russell

--- On Thu, 7/14/11, Al Gary wrote:


From: Al Gary
Subject: One week left, spam (meat) almost finished
To: "Al Gary"
Date: Thursday, July 14, 2011, 1:59 PM


Salutations members and affiliates,

Meat Raffle is in a week!1!

So, there are a couple of new names to add to the ABC group (I hope they like coffee!)

Brian Boyle, James Brunson, Nick Glantz, Walt McNally, Greg Ambrogi, Dave Wolfgang

Now, Dave has by far sold the most (40), but Brian sold his first. Let the discussions continue.


(Only those in the ABC group get two names, everyone else hasn't earned there's yet)
In the - I'm trying to close, but haven't yet... group:
Ryan, Jason, Steve, Bill, Brian, Michael

Then there's everybody else, and these are the people that make me sad:
Joe
Tom
Jack
Chris
Dave
Andrew
Bobby
JC
Kyle
Dylan
Nigel
Michael
Doug *2
Thomas
Anthony
Frank
Gerry (excusable silence, will be there to conduct drawing)
Randy
Aaron
Josh
Harry (yeah, these might just be gone...)

I can understand you not leaping to respond, but your non-participation shall bring shame upon the good family name.

Regards,
Alfred Gary

EUREKA! (Part sic, cont'd)

The Masthead came to me as great ideas always do at four in the morning, sitting up in bed, suddenly sleepless with the racing of the brain and whatnot.

FINAL THOUGHTS-
Just a few loose ends to tie up before we reach the tipping point. Will that tipping point be the seven billionth human being to be born to this world in late OCTOBER? Who will that baby be? Baby seven billion has got to get the kinda media buzz that the friggin octomom got at the very least I would thin. I'm sure some public relations company somewhere is starting to bang the drum on this one.

SO what got the world's laziest writer out of be in the dark this time? The idea that I could generate one dollars worth of words in portable form and sell, sell, sell it to the good people of the city WHO ARE ALREADY CONDITIONED TO OVERPAY FOR A PIECE OF SHIT LIKE THE DAILY NEWS which you read in fifteen minutes on the bus and are left feeling dumber and dissappointed afterwards. Like a blowjob from a crack ho. It seemed like a good idea at the time, then shes gnawing at it and you are bleeding a little and you wonder about blood born illnesses for the rest of your days. Did that hoooker give me AIDS?

But wait. lets not get off track here.
The idea is a solid one, I jus didn't have the content together in a convincing enough manner. Lacked the balls to follow the idea through. Was a pussy, perhaps. Clearly lacking in follow through, butwhat else is new. So this is the manically written blog in which i exhort myself for the thousandth time to complete the damn mission already, to produce an artifact. The artifact you now hold in your hand, an amalgam. A patchwork quilt of whatever is running through my mind at this moment in history, what's pissing off the great intellect from the woods. The shaggy philosopher who sings
(with apologies to rodney king)
"work is for suckers, wont cha all sing my song? Work is for suckers can't we all just get along?"

A definition of terms is in order here. Work is a four letter word for a very good reason. But thats discussed on page three.

The shaggy philosoph from the woods urges you to take a look at you life and to fix the things that you don't like. Life should be fun. It is for Billionaires. It is for those of us in the world lucky enough to be born in a third world country and wondering where our next meal is coming from. Free Hallucinogens, pumped into your brain from goddesses above. You don't need to pay the man sixty bucks for an eighth of mushrooms that some entrepenurial frat boy at Drexel is growing in a dorm room closet. You want to trip? Do it the all natural way, like 2 Billion in the world do each week and start starving yourself to death. It's a fashion statement. You may just get a job as a top model. And I'm told by a crazy lady on my payroll that after the first three days its a breeze.
One of the great benefits to starving to death is that you don't have to wipeyour ass so often because you need to eat to shit. That's alot less shit on your fingers, alot less washing shit off your fingers, alot less smelling your fingers an hour later and still catching a faint whiff of it but being too lazy to do anything about it because the show you are watching on the boob tube is just getting good.....In short, starving to death is a great time saver. And speaking of savings! No more wondering where your paycheck went.y

epiphany

Boxes of doves, turkeys and chickens on the sidewalk appear to be bird condiminiums. Some people demand the freshest meat around, or maybe it's a religious thing. A voodoo outlet. For whatever reason they sit in their cages and shit on the sidewalk and mutter to each other in their bird lingo about this latest development in their lives. Except for the little brown rooster. he cried out at the top of his little bird lungs,
"It's Fucking Murderrrr!"
From the Rite Aid parking lot across the street you stop.
"It's FUcking Murderrrr!"
It can't be.
It sure sounds like that chicken is trying to tel me something. It becomes clearer with each repetition. This bird will not bear mute witness to the eminent mass murder of he and his fellows. He's sounding the alarm. You seem to be the only one to hear his cries for what they are. A miracle.
You refuse the voodoo priest offer to dress the bird and tell him you are od school and would like to do the bird yourself and he smiles knowingly. Soon you are walking down the street with a live rooster in your arms, but the motherfucker has stopped speaking English.
Your cats aren't that happy about your new roommate who attacks you all beaks and claws and fury whenever you ry to boil yourself a hotdog or eat a pepperoni. He starts up again.
"It's Fucking Murderrrr!"
And you get it now and have bean a vegetarian ever since.

zen laziness
laZENess
somewhere between contemplation
and spiritual emptiness
going with the flow
following the guidance of an unseen hand
resisting the impulses of the programmers
the warlords and soap merchants
as refreshing as it is the the secretary of state says that all governments lie
his candor wasn't news
the statement made barely a ripple
a blip, a blurb, a hiccup of truth
the truth is the best fiction
all governments lie, spake the high-ranking government official
did you check the rankings today?
you are up five points on the most important metric of them all
a mention on the worlds most important blog
the liar tells the truth at times to add credulity to his obvious untruths
verbal tae kwon do
like the catbird in the dogwood tree
which seems to speak all known bird languages
one right after the other

"parlez vous hussein
de nada
meow
shadenfruede
nom yoho rhenge kyo"
he posits
from the half dead ash
having had to reposition himself when a wren alighted near his perch
he's got important unmessages to relay
from the univeral unconciousness
waves of sound which counteract the hum from the idiot box
which defragment the interweb
establishing neural connections for those who can still hear
and this is how i spend my days
just listening
sipping on my nettle tea concoction
a liquid fast
nutrients from nature
indian tea plant, 2 varieties of mint
ill add some feverfew flowers into todays batch
maybe a handful of mulberries
turn this damn machine off and grab a book and some shade
swim some laps
and listen to nature

laZEN-ness
thoughts going where they may
no agenda
dealing with my gurgling stomach as i try this weirdo cleansing ritual
food fast
media fast
empty this vessel
change the fluids
change the inputs
breathe in
breathe out
go looking for the turkey later
the one that was following me around
the one that seemed unafraid of my mother as she tried to shoo him from the tomato plants
walking just out of reach
one turkey step away
muttering turkey thoughts under it breath
annoyed to be shooed away from the tasty baby lettuces

i was never the most graceful of dancers.
my enthusiasm was never in question,
energy levels as high as any in the room
grace, no
semi-coordianted i do well with accomplished dancers
ones who will mimic my pseudo-moves
my half-assed cabbage patch, driving the bus, shopping for groceries, bass masters, and of course the twist
but lately my shoes have been even more leaden
so i had to make a move and install dietary and lifestyle controls for the first time in months.
i alwaus seem to quit drinking in the summer
a nice echo from the summer of rugby
where i stopped drinking in april to get ready for summer rugby sevens and i was never faster or more clearly an athletic beast
a love machine
a force of nature
now just something i say to people who dare poke the tiger
now way in the past
15 years ago
dayum
im definitely past my prime
but im not happy with being part of Fat Nation
one transfat
under goo
with licorice
and fudge cake
for all of us

my transfat tis of the
sweet toothed O- Bes- it - teee
of thee i sing
land where the lard has fried
land of the chili fries
for every pancake fried
oooo- beeees -iitttt --teeeee

so thats the third musical number
the rest writes itself....

listening to some ludwig van and the melody is the same as a video game
his 2nd symphony in d major
and the game eludes me
gotta scour the web
those notes react with my dna
they reprogram my mind
recalibrating beauty awarness circutry
life seems less loathesome somehow...

me without a job is a happy me
so to stay happy watch how i cut my expenses
gonna live on my nut this time
new booze mantra

whats the relationship of booze and me?
if the booze ain't free, den none for me!

i will never buy a drink again
unless its out of my poetry fund
to celebrate achievements i may buy a drink or too
but they must truly be mighty achievements

THIS DOES NOT QUALIFY
i didnt drink before noon today!
ill drink to that, 3p.m.

try to go a week
resist the lure of sweet, sweet alcoholic oblivion
if i can go a week then ill plan when to celebrate that feat.

write a budget
stick to it
profit cosmically

ima just do me for a little while

i will come out of the wild once a week
the pikeville sasquatch has been reported to have been seen today in south philadelphia
this shaggy beast is known as the most insteresting caveman the world
if you see him buy him a beer
and tell him to get a haircut
this is the ad campaign i will do
just get me a camera and an agent
ill do the rest

im the missing link
im the next step of evolution

women flock to me
to try to get down on this obviously top notch proto-human missing link hybrid space alien dna having, rugby playing asshole writing mofo and gilf loving bro that youve ever seen
a spaceman fucked my mom at a concert
but they lost track of me......

my mom aborted me partially which took out the tracking device
when the hanger skinned my brain
as my dad frantically screamed not again you butchrr not again
before tackling my mom and knocking the hanger out of her hand as she stands in the bathoom foot up on the rim standing over a mirror and doing the home abortion kit

but i digress.....

women sense this champion jism and i have to stay on the run
sometimes im spotted in pikeville
sometimes in the woods somewhere
crossing the candian border at will
blending in the jungle like the predator

so i may show up in your town
bring your funloving grandmothers
im the host of the gameshow
AMERICAS HOTTEST GILF
hosted by that intergalactic fugitive saquatch version of
dr, richard kimball
welcome ot another worlds hottest GILG
i am your horny host and granny loving asshole
sasquatch bakeowski
my freinds call me sass
you can call me mr bakeowski

yeah i just give this shit away for free
hire me to write the rest of this shit
copius quantities of words congregate and collaborate to improve the word environment in your area
i will de- lullaby your lesson plans
i will defunkify your attractive grandmothers
im a helpful guy

The next exciting issue of Bloated Aging Asskicker is in the final stages of preproduction.
This Mission Statement officially commences the assembly of elders.
The Neanderthal Aging Asshole Communist Party.
We're Neanderthals, we are old, we share our talents with you.
This is the online edition.
This month in BAA history we have "don fucking juan" turning 4o and celebrating said event with a musical happening at the Barbary I think? I'll try to remember to look it up on the facebook device. Aging asskickers are suprisingly connected, though few twitter as of this writing. june 21st. two hardcore acts. photo shoot for aging asskicker magazine issue two, photos from this party, stories of the best after party, best after after party and you get the idea.http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=176491662404428&set=a.102856869767908.6102.100001307864024&type=1&theater

ok so i am behind schedule a little
but you dont rush art
ha ha ha ha ha

a hard deadline draws nigh
the end of the world
i got a pamphlet the other day
saying it was going to end may 25th or something?
proven in the bible
so if im going to get this shit done its gotta be soon
the current idea involves nesting covers
if im gonna sell shit on ths street i guess it wold be smart to have a few angles to work
one will of course be the end of the world angle
end of the world survival guide
recipies for the end of the world
25 ways to prepare cockroaches and jelly fish
rat sashimi recipies using native herbs
i keep thinking it writes itself, but it isn't
the thoughtstreams have been trickling though
maybe if i really am able to get my shit together i can have a second cover about the kentucky derby and gambling in general
theres a nice hard deadline, may 7th
only three weeks after the original deadline......

far enough in the future to be a possibility

time to stop talking shit and be productive
ahh.......... this old song,
i love this song,
the song of future progress
the song of accopmlishment at some later date in the future
time to get to it
the nabe has a printer that he says i can use...so id need to print up three pages a day to be ready by next monday to head over to the printer.....
i guess i have to call the printer and see if bartering is a possibility
Somewhere in PRINCETON

its serious time here at the worlds most important blog.
Im so "about business" that I will share with you, the gentle reader, the last cover letter I will ever need to write. I'm sure to find a job offer in my email box withing minutes, and my whole life will change.
There's an entertainment company that needs my services. I'm pretty sure from the vague way they described themselves that it is some sort of scam. especially the part about me having my own office. maybe its porn related, who knows? If it is the scammy kind of shit show i imagine it to be then I think ill take the job for purely comic reasons.

see now, THERES A REASON TO WORK, for the comedy of it.

im not motivated much by money, but humor is a motivator fo sho... so heres how my new relationship with work will start
i answered the criagslist ad with this sure fire winner of a cover letter. im probably going to be put in charge of this place rather quickly....

Hey-
I can sell anything. Your ad was just vague enough to spark my imagination. If you decide to hire me you are gettin an idea man. You are gettng an aging rock star, you are getting what used to be the main attraction who is now aging very well and still remarkably spry for someone that played rugby for over 20 years.
I was also a school teacher in the inner city and i was a bad ass at that job. Concurrent with the rugby, but prior to teaching I was a hot shot TGIF bartender who always had the whole bar cracking up because when the spotlight finds me I offer fine comedic value playing to the exact and specific funny bones of whomever my audience might be that evening.
I have been around the block long enough to be able to make a conection with just about any random stranger off the street which should prove a great asset for the many closings I will be doing in my very own office. Be warned that I will probably have sensational ideas about future events and maybe even enough talent to propose new and diferent ventures which your entertainment company can additionally profit from.
Enough about me. Why do I want to work for you? Who are you and what do you do? Try and get me excited about working for you and if you are successful your only problem after hiring me will be how to spend the enormus piles of revenue a true performance minded barabarian like myself can generate.
Thanks and have a nice day, I always do!

Resume and references upon request.

going to start pecking away at a new project on the side
when april 15th comes about i hope to have a little newspaper together
some resume type shit
you want a writer, heres what i do
sometimes with PUNKtuation
usually not
I AINT NO PUNK BITCH
rules of writing are not my bosses
clarity of thought is
i think more clearly when i just let the shit flow
if you see punctuation im probably editing
editing is work
work is for suckers
do you get me yet?

i do enjoy a comma or two tho
here and there

i was recently quizzed about my motivations by my lover
i was stuck
i have no idea why i act the way i do
i just follow the path of least resistance i guess
is that some kind of particle?
the least charged particle there
the whatever particle

she asks.....barely pausing between qustions

what makes me so angry all the time?
why do you feel that way?
i answer
questions about my feelings make me angry
they make me angry because i dont know why im so angry but i know that constant questioning about my motives makes me a litttle angrier every time

then shes probing into my feelings about my family
im prety sure everyone has them
but im not into therapy
ive never been in anaylsis
im evasive and i can see
"the waterboard" look in her
eyes
shes getting ready to blow
and another argument ends
me successfully lobbing in a grenade or two and then stonewalling
her trying to even the score and then pulling out historical references of the evils in harrys past
hey, gues what?
if your style of fighting is to dredge up the past
the less you know about mine, the less ammuntion you will have and the less damage you can do when you decide its time to hit me in the privates again
i dont care if you and your brothers fought loud and dirty
im not them
im embarrassed by loud and dirty
i think its a clumsy way to fight
my mom and dad fought that way over the last of the bottle of wine

i like logical arguments
formalized debate team stuff

i will futher show your behavior can quantifiably be characterized as inentionally
cunty with clouds of ignorant protestations


ill try this half planned writing madness

drops of blood on the sidewalk tell me im getting close to home
they spatter southwards
a droplet, ten paces,a medium droplet, twelve more, solar system, repeat
someone from my hood got socked in the jaw
i follow the trail for 7 or 8 blocks and i wonder
did my brother finally say what hes been thinking?
did he share with fellow bus passengers his unique world view?
did the patented crazy smile technique backfire?
..........a flash of true crazy.............
the technique, that instead of backing someone up,
enabled their own insanity?
a combustible cocktail of craziness that ignited on the 57?
we need bus bouncers
people to uphold civility
like sky marshalls
not on every bus
just enough that people get kicked of the bus for being aholes
especially when the schools let out
someone call obama
make the jerks walk off their adolescent energy

heading out into the world again to bring some beauty and humor to my fellow man
i am a giver
feb 13th, valentines eve, im going to read some 20 year old poems of heartwrenching poignancy
i talked a folk singer into coming
she may soon regret talking to me
she may also think its a blast
we may even show some of the grammies if some music head show up
im gonna do a little standup
i invited some other readers
we will see what happens
and people say i should get a job
pshaw
im probably going on the street for the money to publish this website into something you could read on the crapper
and sell it on the street as planned
if i borrow 300 bucks i pay back 39 a week for ten weeks
i gotta try to get the cost to 300 bucks and this is a GO BAYBEE GO
woohoo spring is coming
game on
the blarney is the site of the poetry between 3rd and 4th on south
we should start around nine

३० rock

they seem to have a whole lot of producers on this show. a few with very interesting foreign names. if i understand it correctly the executive producer is a cat with some cash who pays for things, theres a couple of them here. some of the rest of the producers are people who are padding their resume with production credits like alec baldwin is doing. the rest? who knows? i did notice an agenda tho. it seems to me that NBC is trying to make sure Hindus are well represented in their sit coms this year. I may have missed a story line or two, but jacks secretary is on and now the guys in the microwave lab. the hilarious hindus in the microwave lab that are too smart or busy or racist to talk to jack. and the racism is later laffed off when the delivery boy loks just like jack. subtle contextual message to leroy from podunk, don't get mad at the hindu who is rude to you. they are all incredibly smart and busy and you may llok like their delivery man. and they are funny too. just look at the hilarious goings on in bhopal where they have utsourced the novelty gag gift business. oh the hilarity jerome. your future wasnt in fake vomit anyway. tell leroy to put the shotgun down. these hindu fellers are funny fucks. at least one of the producers has a hindi name.....
probably just a coincidence
unless the hindi slavemasters (who at one time produced finely woven persian rugs with child laboer until the children went blind.) unless these titans of hindustry who then turned the blind kids into beggars or telemarketers for fortune 500 companies who save so much money by not paying americans
these titans of hindustry can invest in their own rigged stockmarket, they know, they do the rigging, so they buy a fine company like NBC who is in the bomb making business which will never go out of style as long as there are civilian populations to keep in line...
it only makes sense that owners then demand some representation in programming so that when they come over here to evict the now broke jeromes and leroys of the world the jeromes and leroys of the world have some sort of positive association by humor that these guys are funny fuckers like that tv show and they are ok....
this is why im calling for a new racist term
for capitalists
because capital is the problem
meet the new boss, same as the old boss, greedy and acquisitive.
yeah the type who think "i want more pictures of dead slaveowners in my pocket
that will make me the clear winner."
while, in actuality, it just makes you a bigger asshole
definition:
asshole- noun;anyone with a million dollars in the bank.

grapefruit

she had a tumor the size of a large piece of fruit within her womb
super mommy was soon out of the breeding end of things
she of the haunted house and of mtv
im not sure if she did a haunted house program for them or if she just did it all
she knows how to drop a name
shes very good at what she does
eveyone feels welcome in big mommas house
the world lost a bartending icon when big momma had to retire from the brunch biz
a few things i noticed from my visit to the haunted hospital
she was all stitched up
throbbing pain with every heartbeat
morphine derivatives making her itchy
her crazy namesake had already entreated her not to forget to complain about how weak the painmeds were....
to set the stage for more powerful prescriptions at the hospital checkout intervies....
her neighbors in the room were from asia somewhere
one of those places where it always sounds like someones choking on some phlegm when they are speaking to each other
they had a picnic nextdoor and brought their own dishes and silverware from home and used big mommas trashcan to clear thier plates
on her side of the curtain
four five visitors
each clearing a plate
each smiling at us
the mongolian cousin walking by beatifically
smiling that secret retard smile
the convention next door ended
i guess their plan was to have lunch with their matriarch
her pumps kept beeping
luodly
every 5 seconds or so
the nurse finally came
big momma tells me this kept her up all night
one of the visitors decides to move the heavy wooden chair on her way out for some reason
of course it bumps into big mammas bedjolts the new stitches
she sucks it up, eats her rage, which is why she had those two heart atttacks when working for MTV
the retard stays around for some reason
she doesnt even know where she is
lunch is served
big mamma is starving
eating for the first time in days
the converation next door gets louder
one of those gutteral throat clearing words
except its not speech
the retard apparently cant keep this strange american food down and is soon barfing in the trashcan on big mammas side of the curtain
this takes a minute or two
big mammas problem now is the same as mine with the nausea
i go to the nurse and explain the sitch
she tells the custodian who is right there cleaning 430 right next door but she is clearly unmoved
it doesnt even register
but she must be on the way, right?
me staring at her wont make her hurry
so i return
and big mammas face is getting redder and redder
the hormones that the womb used to regulate are now coursing unregulated throughout whats left of her body
shes talking with her hands now
i go back to the nurses station after calming her down by telling her i went for helpo and th custodian is involved and apologize for being to weak stomached to move the trashcan myself
are you fucking kidding me she says"
i go back to the nurses station
the custodian has skipped over big mammas room and now is on the other side in 428
i repeat my request for assistance to the desk nurse who then gives me a look
i explain that the patient has already had 2 heart attacks and is very uncomfortable by the puking retarded visitor and how many visitors do you get anyway and whdid they bring someone who clearly doesnt know where she is and id have got the can myself but then there would have been even more puke to clean up
the nurse say
"i guess you want me to go in DERE and get DAT?"
i say that would be above and beyond the call of duty
that shes sure to be the nurse of the year
and she theatrically puts on rubber gloves and removes the can at arms length to my effusive applause
thanks alot thankyou so much
the pump started beeping again during the regurgitation
big mammas going thru the roof almost
she hits the call button
explains its not her but the pump next door could you please.......
the pump apparently doesnt work to well when the tube is pinched
we find this out during the next half hour when the thing is going off every five minutes and the wait for a nurse is about three and its maddening
one of the visitors learns how to turn the pump off and me and big mamma complete the same thought

MISSION STATEMENT >> TWENTY ONE ONE EDITION

i do what i have to do to get the job done
trying hard not to have to work for THE MAN again
resolved to be the man instead of working for him
transformation time 2011
happy new year
old me, 20 10 has to hustle for bar owners to make ends meet
new years eve and day i work back to back for large piles of filthy lucre
i put in 24 hours on my feet in a 36 hour period and as a reult my ankles were large grapefruits
being the dynamic physical speciamen that i am

speciMAN,
all man, all the time
being this specimen
i, of course,
played two sets of tennis with young athletes
and my body was saying no no no
now the man i am is im amy winehousemanly whinehouse
i can live with that name
dignified bitching about physical complaints in song form

(to the tune of rehab)

"i tried to play me some tennis
my joints said no no no
i tried to chase a grenn ball
my joints said no no no"

still one of my favorite songs of all time

so i listened to my body and stayed off the ankle after the tennis and they're just about the right size today

THUS RESOLVED I WILL BE KINDER TO THIS AGING STEAMSHIP THAT CARRIES MY BRAIN AROUND
physicality shall be if not every day at least 2/3 days for this year of twenty one one.

I WILL LAUNCH THIS "NEWSIE PROJECT" before the SUPERBOWL, this becoming the man
I will sell a few opies of the thing every day until they are gone baby gone.

I WILL COLLABORATE WITH OTHER TALENTED INDIVIDUALS ON CO_PROJECTS as much as possil
ble

I WILL GET STARTED NOW