grapefruit

she had a tumor the size of a large piece of fruit within her womb
super mommy was soon out of the breeding end of things
she of the haunted house and of mtv
im not sure if she did a haunted house program for them or if she just did it all
she knows how to drop a name
shes very good at what she does
eveyone feels welcome in big mommas house
the world lost a bartending icon when big momma had to retire from the brunch biz
a few things i noticed from my visit to the haunted hospital
she was all stitched up
throbbing pain with every heartbeat
morphine derivatives making her itchy
her crazy namesake had already entreated her not to forget to complain about how weak the painmeds were....
to set the stage for more powerful prescriptions at the hospital checkout intervies....
her neighbors in the room were from asia somewhere
one of those places where it always sounds like someones choking on some phlegm when they are speaking to each other
they had a picnic nextdoor and brought their own dishes and silverware from home and used big mommas trashcan to clear thier plates
on her side of the curtain
four five visitors
each clearing a plate
each smiling at us
the mongolian cousin walking by beatifically
smiling that secret retard smile
the convention next door ended
i guess their plan was to have lunch with their matriarch
her pumps kept beeping
luodly
every 5 seconds or so
the nurse finally came
big momma tells me this kept her up all night
one of the visitors decides to move the heavy wooden chair on her way out for some reason
of course it bumps into big mammas bedjolts the new stitches
she sucks it up, eats her rage, which is why she had those two heart atttacks when working for MTV
the retard stays around for some reason
she doesnt even know where she is
lunch is served
big mamma is starving
eating for the first time in days
the converation next door gets louder
one of those gutteral throat clearing words
except its not speech
the retard apparently cant keep this strange american food down and is soon barfing in the trashcan on big mammas side of the curtain
this takes a minute or two
big mammas problem now is the same as mine with the nausea
i go to the nurse and explain the sitch
she tells the custodian who is right there cleaning 430 right next door but she is clearly unmoved
it doesnt even register
but she must be on the way, right?
me staring at her wont make her hurry
so i return
and big mammas face is getting redder and redder
the hormones that the womb used to regulate are now coursing unregulated throughout whats left of her body
shes talking with her hands now
i go back to the nurses station after calming her down by telling her i went for helpo and th custodian is involved and apologize for being to weak stomached to move the trashcan myself
are you fucking kidding me she says"
i go back to the nurses station
the custodian has skipped over big mammas room and now is on the other side in 428
i repeat my request for assistance to the desk nurse who then gives me a look
i explain that the patient has already had 2 heart attacks and is very uncomfortable by the puking retarded visitor and how many visitors do you get anyway and whdid they bring someone who clearly doesnt know where she is and id have got the can myself but then there would have been even more puke to clean up
the nurse say
"i guess you want me to go in DERE and get DAT?"
i say that would be above and beyond the call of duty
that shes sure to be the nurse of the year
and she theatrically puts on rubber gloves and removes the can at arms length to my effusive applause
thanks alot thankyou so much
the pump started beeping again during the regurgitation
big mammas going thru the roof almost
she hits the call button
explains its not her but the pump next door could you please.......
the pump apparently doesnt work to well when the tube is pinched
we find this out during the next half hour when the thing is going off every five minutes and the wait for a nurse is about three and its maddening
one of the visitors learns how to turn the pump off and me and big mamma complete the same thought