blue dreams

the WMIB is about getting me paid...dance monkey dance

this dance is about paying my rent without degrading my soul
its been denigrated enough by any number of parties
parties who would poke the wounded tiger
you better finish me off if you decide to join the poke parade
ugby didnt kill this tiger
neither did the booze
a school full of haters made me stronger
they soon saw things my way
i thrive in crappy conditions
fungus like
i turn shit into gold
im not waiting for the gold markets to open up for me
im putting 20 pages of gold out as soon as i can put my hands on 600 bucks to print it up
ill handle distribution
ill handle marketing
just give me a product to sell
ill sell your booze for you and dance a little while i do it just because it seems natural to me
but not as natural as being the man in the yellow hat is
the man in the yellow hat who instructs the monkeys in their dance steps
im moving up the preschool food chain
its there for all you monkeys to absord
how do you think it becomes a cultural icon?
its the instuction manual of the overlords
they are the next step up from the man the yellow hat
they gave the man the yellow hat to represent the sun above who is the overlords particular diety
the overlords had a great time back in egypt with this form of worship
until the sun god was replaced by the still more powerful green god
the sun god tried to burn out the green
thats why the pyramids are in the desert
but this is all next level shit
next level shildrens books
explaining the childrens best seller list to you in terms of subjugating factors
like in the little engine that could
thats what hit me
thats what i use
and thats why this is the worlds most important blog (TWIB)
TWIBBER
he twibbered me
means to reveal
written by the worlds least important blob
i dont give a rats ass about me
im a vehicle for bacteria
they really run the shit, with the greenies
all of our vaunted organs are just masses of cells
my brains cells are just a bunch of dudes that want to chill out
single cells with a purpose
we are sure what turns them on and off as in a stem cell which can be anythng it wants to be
i am a human stem cell
i can do it

but they are
which is why im not running the world
i could if i had to
check my dna
i know im related to some trippy motherfuckers
they take over this keyboard and spew shit
they are the ones the computer people should worry about
which is a catch phrase that the computer people search for in their algorythms
i just stepped into their trap
but maybe they are stepping into mayan

liver cells i am going to need your help soon
process you bacterial brothers who fermented these hops and grains
who gave their life to use so that we may buzz this evening
the buzz which is really the brians going boozy wake
see ya later
the brains aztec leaders sacrificing some more virginal goddess cells
with every sip of beer a few more goddesses meet the sharp steely knives
a tribute to the far away bothers who turned this beer into the sacramental liquid that it is
sacred beer
the church of the sacred intoxicant
CSI SOUTHPHILLY
Diunnn doiunnn
today we are enjoying some pbr some blue dream and a small amount of hash
now a word from our sponsor
the church of the sacred intoxicant
not quite toxic
but fun to dance with death again
sorry officer I was poisioned!
you dont have to tell him you poisosned yourself
osshhiferrr i wash poishonned
order your csi south philly shirts from THIS LINK FOR SALE
thankyou for buying this idea rag, this month or rambling bullshit about possibility
this 20 pages of slightly steamed words
words that retain their cripness with a touch of proofreading and a dash of visionary editing
it is with great pride that i bring you the inaugural edition of BLUE DREAMS
well maybe thats this chapter....
i also like the name ARTIFACT because im producing low grade testaments to the collection of cells in my brain that form my brain, new ones added all the time
you can be one of my brains cells for the low low price of 50 dollars a year which entitles you to the first look at the shit that i recently starteed thinking to do with what you will
it will get you the famous bi weekly rambling email that the rugby team still sometimes gets
it will get you a years woth of artifacts,
this is the nuts and bolts of the artifact experience
this is the money back warranty
this is the legal page
my brain knows what you need in a magazine
a mission statement
a page of legalese shit
some ads
a table of contents
said content
the cash to print the shit
the will to sell it
you want to see my balls world
heres the kinda balls i have
thanks for purchasing my product

my self help book is going to be called
my asshole boss is my reflection
following your dreams for lazy people

take as many shit jobs as you can stand
learn how people operate in the world when they want money
imitate their actions until your soul starts to scream
ignore the screams for a while because the money or benefits are good
the half year you spend in hell is worth the weekends you arent in it
the ones who fuck with you, people you dont destroy because you are working,
the parties you miss for one reason or another
i miss just as many parties now that im broke parties i cant get to because im flat broke
id rather be to broke to go thatn have to be somewhere else
i can go out broke
goin out on no budget
the womans guide to drinking for free everywhere
beerslut.com
this is just 2 of the businesses you can be a part of creating by supporting the artist you see in front of you
on the street
offerings in his had
ill write a page for new standup comics to use in their acs
a series of funny vigettes and ill demonstate the techi=nique
the harry method of comedy
harry inc
modern comedians.com
we share our killer material with you
secrets of great comedians could be my book title
whats you secret steve?
are you related to someone?
your secret was to play the banjo
so i need to steal your act
secrets of great comedians..1.get a banjo...
2.call yourself a jerk...
3.be wild and crazy...
4.be related to someone rich

my richest relative, my friend in show biz, my mentor,

im my own mentor...how i succeeded in turning shit into cash the harry baker story

the world wants me broke so i can think of ways to save it as i try to save my ass from menial labor
to save my ass from the horror of mediocrity
time to ebrace/create some tangible greatness
which is what you have in your hand
my latest resume
how a genius spends his day words to the young on future happiness bakeowski

that was easy... 1.

time for me to start selling my words to strangers, alot of strangers cause my prices are so low they are insane....literally....or was that insane prices that are supposed to be low....i forget which....ill play crazy for money for one year starting now with tonight top secret poker game....it costs 40 to get in and theres food and beer....rebuys are available and its always an intersting crew at the table....theres the young cop from the neighborhood...the bookie on and off the phone...the side of beef who owns the bar....the pizza guy...the construction worker the electrician the firemen...they are all getting alot better at poker since i started out there...the games getting tougher and tougher..
but i am still the poker king of the block,
top of the heap,
haaaay number one...
these country boy blues
are sure here to staaaaayyyy
i cant stand this fucking place
filthy philllllyyyyyy

i want to wake up in a city
that doesnt smell like feet

sung to the tune

sing it in philly and then tell horible jokes about sinatra being a homosexual
a raving queen he and sammy in a gay love triangle with rock hudson none of them knowing that this was where aids was invented in the sanatoum of hudsons butt cheeks on an especially promiscuous weekend.....
who wants to write this movie with me?

sign up up in the comments section and we will brainstorm soon
tonight i have to go play cars for money
i treat the game as a job
just like i treated rugby when i played that
just like when i was at the top of my teach game which i was when i started in 1993 coming right out of the box, rookie of the year shit doing wonders with the numbers of the writing scores. It was a period in my life when i got results because my team was strong and supportive
i need a support team around me
with a little support i can do alot of interesting things
of course the 12 years i spent in college were pretty fun too as was the dc restaurant scene each issue is content heavy in one domain....start one magazine every three months.......get it out....get paid for it do it again next month.....
in 90 days a magazine can be written edited formatted......
but i gotta stop giving it away for free on here dont i?
i need to make some artifacts so people can leave them lying around
thats why at the bottom of one page it will say im robbing this bank and if someone leaves it in a bank that would be wrong or would it be funny?
so this i guess is the first page of the valentines day issue dedicated to love, ive asked some of my talented friends to submit a piece on love
then at the release party for the issue we are having a show so i gotta start setting a date in advance and securing the place which ive done before havent i
ok time to start planning.....



t

I was in the mood for some songbirds recently so I headed over to The Fire to catch what looked to be a nice gathering of them.
Opening up was Laura C. She was everything you want in a singer/songwriter, rich voice, soulful lyric of loves lost and was just getting good when her set ended. That's the thing with four band shows on Wednesday nights, it's a wham bam type of affair, but this woman is definitely worth a listen again and i'lll try to catch her whole songbook one of these days. Her website is http://www.myspace.com/lauracinrecovery.
Sometimes a little is all you really need. Sami the great was the next act up and she had a really nice voice and a very full schedule. I think life needs to kick her around a little more and after a few years of that maybe she should pick up a pen again. Live a little, try some pain, get back to us. Great voice though. Kind of classless to be at the back of the room having your loud converation with your guitar pal from New York and mini entourage during the sound check and then ducking out the second the music starts. Goes to show that women aren't naturally more supportive or maybe it was a weird diva-esque civil rights gesture? Weird.
Up next was Attia Taylor. If you like Xylophnes and accordian music then the this is the band for you. She has a unique delivery that perfectly accents these quirky instruments. At best her songwriting successfully captures a nice party energy on a song or two, but I think that after the novelty wears off you are left with a special kind of headache that only can be arranged via xylophone. It's the perfect storm of quirky up there and what happens, unfortunately, is that all the quirks seem to cancel each other out. I appreciate the efforts at novelty but a little of this goes a long way. Her and her band are like ninjas, in and out, no messing around, maybe they had another gig somewhere, good for them. Oh, theme night, I get it now...See what I'm talking about at http://www.myspace.com/attiataylor
Last up is a two person combo, Little x Little who saved the evening with several clever turns of phrase and a very interesting stage presence. It's possible that these are the two shyest people in the world or maybe it's just an act, I can't tell, but it doesn't matter anyway, stick with it, it worked. There was some uneveness to their performance, but it is to be exppected as they just started in August. When they nail a song they nail it. There were a couple of real lyrical gems up there and their blog is actually worth reading. http://little-x-little.com/blog/
Who knows what will get me out of the hovel next, but when I get out I will share my experiences with you here at THE WORLDS MOST IMPORTANT BLOG, I couldn't say it if it wasn't true~!

Black Landlord just keeps getting better. I heard the rumors and they are true. The lyrics are better than ever. One about waking up curled around the toilet in the morning "i must like it cuz i keep doing it" and multi-lingual flirting are highlights of the newest songs for me. They take the flirtation to the next level when they sing "let my lips do the talking" and there is mention of naked curves and the best thing I think is that every word counts in this song. There are no slacker words, a picture is a painted, a hottie is hopefully wooed and you are along for the ride.
They have tapped into a great well of energy, feeding off the crowd and then returning the energy soulified. What other band feeds the hungry like they do?
Who else proves their love for the hip hop inhabitants like the LORD? where else are you dancing with a crazy pickle man, playing volley ball with roller girls, quenching your thirst with the finest local beers and hanging out with Philly's favorite philosopher and sprit guardian Fergie?
The day started out with AZN north phillies most dangerous Cambodians and they made people leave the shade to bop their heads in the sun which is saying something when it's 90 out. 130 is a tough time to rock, but they did. 2:00 is more of the same, but Steve-Onpoint and the one party system were also up to the challenge. Here was another performer who oozed belief, like the LORD was later to do, he was bouncing up and down with ever beat, jammin air guitar right along with the band and again bringing peeps into the sunshine. The energy was to continue all throughout the day and it was almost like the sixties up in that place with modern day hippies carrying on the traditions of the flower children, albiet dressed a bit more cleanly, this is northern liberties....
I caught a few songs from at your service and they play their instruments the way you are supposed to play them, loud, kind of a wall of noise, but don't call it jazz because they dont like that.
There was an intersting band with three initials that were also lyrically fun with just the right amount of guitar noises and the fellows playing "get your shackamax on" got the girlies dancing and twirling and did a great job. But I'm not a professional reviewer, I do this for giggles, sorry if I didn't shout you out but the volley ball was very distracting and there was an air conditioner and a phillies game and ukranian women who think im sexy, so.
The LORD looked like the genuine article this summer evening. You feel a destiny about them, their shit is tight and getting tighter. Al was a force of nature, I think I saw him percolating at one point, bouncing around like a mad man and adding his distinctive bark to the tracks. I've never seen him better, the whole band is peaking on the vibe in the air that this shit is for real. The unemployed guitarist brought out some tasty licks and some pornographic guitar meets railing shit that was definitely NC-17. The horns on some of the new tracks are startlingly F-I-N-E. You kinda are used to how great the sound is on your old favorites, but the new shit was like what? Wow. And they finally seem to have come to terms with the fact that "Mea Culpa" is a party anthem. I'm telling you now they are onto something, they have the tiger by the tail and are flinging him around right now. If they are approaching the studio as professionally as they did this show then we are in for some reall tasty ear candy in the near future......

Someone handed me a coupla CD's thinking they were worthy of the considerations from THE WORLD"S MOST IMPORTANT BLOG.

Steve-onpoint is a Goatbeastie, the bastard hybrid of some drug fuelled barnyard coupling between the two most verbally dextrous groups from the region who everybody loves and saw and tells friends about how cool they were back when they saw the dudes live when they were blowing everyone's minds. He even somehow arranges a mini Goats reunion on the third track of his FREE cd "Cliche". Part of the reason is to avoid lawsuits and the other part is to just get his shit out there so the people can hear what he can do. Be warned. The shit sticks to your brain.

He's added layers upon layers to these tracks which should come with a written source material list because you are going to go crazy trying to remember where you heard some of these samples from especially if some of your memory problems are from california presciption grade medications.

"Cliche" is alot of fun and I think saves it's best track for last when he goes all Barry White on us and does some love music about sharing someone's ass with a couple of friends...to paraphrase a local wordsmith "if my boy steve's got it then we can have it, he's got it got it," He does politcal stuff, badass stuff and is so sensitive to his fellow man that he even apologizes to imagined cellmates who may think hes the bee's knee's with a firm but polite no. (Which seems to contradict the first track which claims he will wear his pants at half mast on the corner in order to get shit done, but hes an artist and maybe hes using some fancy slang that im not hip to or something)....Also im a huge fan of his little ditty about DUI.
Anyway.....it sounds like he and his crew had alot of fun putting this project together and it is the kind of mind stimulation that you don't get much of in these days of sanskrit raps. He even references the secret Reptiles who run the world and thats just the kind of educating that this country needs.
Then I listened to his "One Party System. Now I want to punch Steve in the face. The first track seems to be directed at government officials who don't know how to spell his name. I'm guessing the Drivers Licensing people. (now the hyphen)
Then he starts kicking ass and taking names.
The punch in the face is for the track about whatever the fuck "ricky bo bo say vitch" is. He says he will let the rap define it and gives you ciphers and half answers. So you hit repeat and try to really listen to it because, by now, you really want to know who or what Ricky Bobosayvitch is. And then it's stuck in your brain. And then you ask someone what it means and all you get are blank looks. He is soooo enjoying a complimentary knockle sammich.....
Real hip hop shit, lyrical nuggets and flashbacks, fun and serious all at the same time, this was time well spent and both are great additions to my shuffle.

NOW HIRING- Do you respect your elders? Do you follow orders? We are a brand new niche company hoping to expand dramatically once the Universal health care plan kicks in and are looking for the right people to fulfill the demanding requirements of a elderly death camp guard. These old people are going to beg you for a kidney, expensive medications and fancy wheelchairs. Your job will be to ask them what their number is again and to tell them to wait patiently and quietly for their number to be called. Quietly is the most important part of the programme as we don't want alot of squalling elders out there. They get to panicing each other, then all hell breaks loose.

Why is this the World's most Important Bog?

This is the world's most important blog because I can predict the futre. Fr example. Soon the conservative pundits will be all over Obama attacking him on his now secret, but soon to be revealed plan to make Medical Marijuana a big part of his health care plan.

BUT THATS NOT ALL......

The best way to fight the Al Queda would be to take thier funding away. They b uy their munitions and arm thier fanatic through the exploitation of our drug culture and the insane amounts of filthy lucre generated by this illegal trade.
Destroying them is SIMPLICITY ITSELF.

Grow poppies in the unwatered yet fertile fields of California. The soil has to be better than the soil in Afghanistan. Become the Number one Exporter of Opium in the world. China did it to us by way of England running the world. Now it's our turn, USA USA USA.

Next, use illegal immigrants that want to become legal to harvest the opium from the fields. Call them "patriots in training" and after they have served five years in the fields, grant them citizenship.....With monthly drug tests of course, we don't want to encourage junqies.....Scandanavia has alot less problems with hard-core druggies because they treat theis sicko's instead of imprisoning them......

The announcement that Obama is going to legalize pot will not be made until he has been re-elected. It makes sense. The country isn't ready for it yet and the howls of the dying conservative culture are still listened too in the less enlightened or more scareder of mixed racial heritage parts of the country and there are alot of them. What needs to happen is to send troubled inner city youth ou to areas of fresh air in an exchange program of sorts. Partner them with rural schools and the rural schools can send all their idealist dreamer types who just want to "help the poor". In this way there will be more mixed race children and everyone can get over it already. I suggest boffing someone as far from your color spectrum as you can so within a few generations we are all a sort of pleasing mocha latte'

Ok...
So racism is fixed, the drug problem is fixed, now we focus on crime.

Bring back the days of the old west, where all the tuff guys had side arms. there were alot less assholes in the west because assholes got bushwhacked. We are way over the carrying capacity of this planet already. We need to remove a few billion to be sustainable. this is a small and crucial first step.

Now can you see why this is the worlds most important blog? I thought so. I'm expecting a call anyday from the president to help implement these programs, but until then You can help me keep the creative juices percolating by donating to me when you see me. no amount is to large, or small. See, now i Gotta run and serve drinks to the rich and I may never be on this thought train again!!!! Thats why it is so crucial that I spend more time BEING THE NATIONS THINKTANK and less time asking "do you want a lime in that?"
send postal money orders to Harry Baker 321 reed st phila pa 19147 and thankyou for being part of the most imprtant blog in the world message of global harmony and love.
i love you guys...thats why im taking over the thinking for ya'll.
and if obama doesnt get it done i guess ill just have to run for president.
peace

Wherein I set up during the local artiste's festival and virtually panhandle, huckster, sell people on the belief that they are immortalized forever on the worlds most important blog.

A showcase for monetization of my rampant people skills and charm in an effort to build the HARRY BAKER FRANCHISE by engaging with others who may find themselves amused by me and want to be a part of this ENTERTAINMENT JUGGARNAUT.

Here's the hustle.

Me and a flat surface in the middle of the Fringe Festival. A scavenger of the arts. A seagull, cawing to the world, sharp eyed and looking for a little support. Supprt the arts in a tangible way, by giving me money, or a beer, a cup of wine. I will IMMORTALIZE YOU FOREVER on

THE MOST IMPORTANT BLOG IN THE WORLD

One dollar/unit of beverage consumption will get your name or nickname on this and you will be able to amaze your friends and impress members of whichever sexual clique makes your groin ache with longing.
In addition you will also be immortalized with a pithy saying about some manner of your character, appearance, soul, vibe, demeanor or sexuality that will be recorded unitl the end of time on THEMOSTIMPORTANTBLOGINTHEWORLD. TMIBITW tim bit dub timbydub
And you will be one of the few people in the world to know what Timbydub means. Part of a secret society.
SO if you want to be registered FOREVER as "the hottest chick on second street" on TIMBYDUB get your hot litttle ass over to the Fringe and find me.
Then you can put that on your curriculum Vitae for the world to see
Registerd as hottest girl on second street on THE MOST IMPORTANT BLOG in the world.
but not if its raining.

Maybe its a sliding scale.....
yeah, definitely a sliding scale
caveat emptor and all
if you want top props you gotta pay pops
yeah thats me
pops@themostimportantblogintheworld.com
coming soon
^^^^^^^email like the above^^^^^^^^
THAT JUST HAPPENED!